The US military is preparing its psychological operations units with the latest techniques that defy belief.

Sgt Brian Pea, who heads up one of the units, explained how psy-ops were used during the last Gulf War. "We flew around telling Iraqi troops to give up or we'd start bombing. To our amazement all 1,400 soldiers surrendered and the island was taken without a shot."

"Who'd have thought words could bring peace?" he continued, "Of course, we're much more advanced now. We realise how primitive words are, so we're giving up on them and dropping bombs as quickly as possible."