The Leader of the House of Commons, Robin Cook, has resigned over the government's position on Iraq, causing the Blair cabinet to collapse, international stock markets to tumble, riots on the street and a hail of meteorites from Planet Zargon.

An international aid worker in what is now war-torn Kensington High Street said, "Mr Cook was such an important person, his decision to quit has devasted society. Everything depended on him; he held society together. Britain just cannot function without him."

STOP PRESS: Oops, our mistake. Nothing's changed after all.