The US Government is seeking bids to rebuild the damage expected from the Iraq war, in which Tony Blair will be forced out of office and a compliant replacement needed.

The proposed deal includes control of the UK cabinet, and contracts to reduce public transport, increase junk food intake, eliminate public health care and increase the wearing of baseball caps the wrong way round.

Several front-runners have already come forward, including four members of the US administration and a white-haired poodle named Chippy. A Washington official strenuously denied the dog was a French poodle.