US Secretary of State Colin Powell has declared the alleged Bin Laden tape, released yesterday by al-Jazeera, is concrete proof of everything ever, including Saddam Hussein possessing weapons of mass distruction, a link between al-Qaeda and the Iraqi government and that global warming is a figment of European imaginations.

However Germany said Mr Powell's conclusions were a little hasty, pointing out that the tape didn't mention any of those things, that it was a bit funny how Mr Powell knew of its existence before al-Jazeera, and it might not be Bin Laden anyway.

But Mr Powell was unfazed. "Don't you see?" he said, "It all fits together so perfectly! Bin Laden, Iraq, Europe, WDMs! It's so sweet. Ha! Ha! This is it! Stand back, mamma, we're going in! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!"