Tony Blair and George Bush's shuttle diplomacy came to a tragic end yesterday, signalling the imminent death of thousands of civilians in Iraq. According to experts the pair were only 16 minutes from completing their mission when the right wing heated up beyond control, leading to an unbearable build-up of pressure. Moments later the leaders lost contact with reality and observers watched in horror as the meeting broke up with threats of war within weeks.

Staff on the ground expect collateral damage to be spread across many miles of the Middle East, with aid agencies left to pick up the pieces. A spokesman for the US Administration said the anticipated casualties would be a national tragedy, but not for his nation.