Britain's so-called "Imperial Idiots" claim their ridicule in the UK courts has breached their fundamental human right not to be sniggered at by newspapers during the silly season, and are taking their case to the European Court of Human Rights.

The Idiots' case centres around their insistence to sell items in quantities of their choice. Their solicitor said, "If my clients want to sell a clove of beeswax for a groat, or a bushel of dogs' tongues for two wimbles, then that's their right. These are well-known units which are used frequently in early drafts of The Pilgrims' Progress, or else made up on the spot."

He continued, "People insist on using things like pounds and ounces, but these were imposed on Britain by the Roman Empire, and we refuse to bow to that kind of pressure from Europe. That's why we're taking our case to, er, Europe."