The United States yesterday tried to opt out of the International Criminal Court (ICC) in a move designed to prolong The War Against Terror (TWAT).

US ambassador to the UN, James Cunningfox, said that America was afraid its enemies would use the ICC to prosecute them with false allegations. He added that the war against terror was impossible without terrorists, which is why TWAT combats the symptoms of terror, while allowing the causes to flourish, and that the ICC actually fought against the terrorists themselves.

UN officials tried to calm the United States' nerves, impressing on them that the ICC would only prosecute individuals if their host nations failed to deal with the allegations seriously. "Well that's no good," retorted Mr Cunningfox, "These are the courts that fixed Bush's election. No way is anyone going to take their work seriously."