Journalists and television reporters rushed to Buckingham Palace early yesterday evening as an uninteresting news event broke out in an empty flat which might otherwise have usefully housed homeless people.

The journalists leapt on the story, quickly saturating the media, and within 90 seconds there was nothing more to say. "It was lucky there were several celebrities in the vacinity," said one reporter, "as otherwise we might have had nothing to talk about."

The performers were rehearsing for a jubilee concert, hoping to add a few more minutes onto their quickly-diminishing careers. Among them was Phil Collins, although sadly he was not injured.