Following the surprise resignation of Stephen Byers from the cabinet, the much-used adjectives "beleaguered" and "embattled" have also announced their resignation, saying they no longer have any significant function.

"Previously we had an important role to play in the reporting of governmental issues," said a spokesword reading a statement from the pair. "Whenever a lazy journalist wrote the name Stephen Byers they'd employ one of us as a prefix, upping their word-count and adding colour without any extra work. However, our position has finally become untenable. We believe this is the right thing for journalism and the English language."

Speculation is now rife over what adjective, or adjectives, will be employed for any incoming minister. Tipped favourites are "slippery", "duplicitous" and "untrustworthy". Other hopefuls "virtuous" and "ethical" are well-liked but unlikely to succeed due to their lack of experience within the current government.