A ridiculous monkey figure was voted into power in the English local elections last night, as commentators warned that this could be only the first of a number of gains for the BNP.

The candidate, whose politics aspire to the Neanderthal, was unavailable for comment as he was unable to talk in anything but populist cliches and his uncontrollably jerking knee made him quite unbalanced.

A wildlife expert characterised the creature as having shallow territorial instincts, claiming "England for the English", and with a simple-minded attraction to bright lights such as those of TV cameras. "It's been a long time since we've seen one of these things in the wild," he said. "We thought they were extinct. Sadly we were wrong."