President George W. Bush was last night said to be "delighted" with Colin Powell's mission to the Middle East in which he accidentally elbowed Yasser Arafat in the face, spilt custard over Ariel Sharon, and insulted the entire Palestinian people in mistranslated Arabic.

"Mr Powell was successful in stopping attacks across Israel's northern border," said Mr Bush, "for almost 10 whole minutes. The punching incident and the custard incident could happen to anyone. As for the Arabic thing, no-one really speaks that, anyway. I think the other Middle East countries must be impressed by our sensitive handling of a powder-keg situation. Next we will use these great diplomatic skills to enforce peace in Iraq.