Donald Rumsfeld of the US Bush administration last night declared that a video broadcast by al-Jazeera contained no new terrorist footage, and suggested it bore a striking resemblance to a 1975 edition of The Muppet Show.

The video purports to show one of the September 11 hijackers giving a ranting statement against the United States, superimposed against a background of the World Trade Center being destroyed. However, Mr Rumsfeld says the figure is much more likely to be purple daredevil The Great Gonzo explaining how he was going to be fired from an enormous cannon. Again.

An al-Jazeera spokesperson angrily denied the allegations. "As impartial broadcasters we firmly believe this is genuine. The figures shown in the middle section are certainly Osama bin Laden with his deputy, and not Professor Bunsen and his sidekick, Beaker, as the US secretary suggests. However, I admit that the big song-and-dance number at the end with Meryl Streep is a bit puzzling."