Merrill Lynch has welcomed an investigation into duplicitous activities saying "It's an a***-wiping piece of sh** and they can stuff their enquiry up their cr**holes."

The New York attorney-general is looking into the bank after they made public recommendations on dot.com stocks while internal memos show they were privately believed to be a "piece of sh**" and "cr**" among other things. Merrill Lynch say the investigators don't understand the nuances of investment banking.

The spokesman went on to say "The attorney-general is a paper-pushing, peddlar of populist bo*****s. His sp*** tastes like cat-p*** and his mother's a c***-licking k*** of a w****-f***** j***er. I hope he doesn't take that the wrong way."