After refunding Railtrack investors with £300 million of lost revenue, vote-winning Stephen Byers yesterday set out a plan to forever strengthen the London stockmarket.

"The Railtrack payment is just the first step of a comprehensive Government programme," he said. "It is clear that investors cannot understand the concept that share values may go down as well as up. So from now on we will continually compensate anyone who has lost money on shares. It's the only reasonable and consistent thing."

Mr Byers outlined a plan whereby wealthy executives, like the board of Railtrack, and the slightly stupid, like the ordinary people who thought investing in Railtrack was risk-free, would be repaid any share losses if they ever felt a bit miffed. The scheme is to be funded over serveral years by laying off postal workers, underpaying teachers and nurses, and tobacco advertising on the back of school children's exercise books.